Happy Sunday Lovelies!
Today I’m sharing with you one of my favorite mommies. I’m getting to love more and more the Instagram world as I have met so many wonderful women who are always so open and willing to help and Stephanie is one of them! One of the things I love about Stephanie is her policy to be honest and hey, we are always looking for honesty and if it makes us laugh even more! So here is one of her posts and be sure to visit her blog and say hi on Instagram!
There are some thing about mom life that are the same for all of us; dirty diapers, smelling like some else’s bodily fluids, an audience while you pee, etc. Which piece of motherhood do you most associate with?
If there is one thing I’ve learned about moms from being a Social Media Mom it’s that mom humor runs deep between us; coffee sips, target trips, and yoga pants are an unshakable bond. I’ve compiled this list of one liners, but if there is something I missed, feel free to add it in the comments below!
You know you’re a mom if your hair is so greasy people keep asking you if you just got out of the shower.
You know you’re a mom if going to the bathroom alone is a luxury better than wine and dark chocolate.
You know you’re a mom if you have three separate wardrobes and none of them fit (hello pregnant and postpartum body).
You know you’re a mom if whine as a five letter word is seen more often around your house and wine as a four letter word.
You know you’re a mom if any derivative of ‘mom’ is used like a swearword in your house.
You know you’re a mom if getting some me time while the sun is still in the sky includes locking yourself in your closet.
You know you’re a mom if you get a two hour stretch of sleep at night uninterrupted and you call it a miracle.
You know you’re mom if your clothes more closely resembles a dirty napkin than an article of high fashion.
You know you’re mom if you don’t hesitate to wipe bodily fluids (i.e. snot, tears, unidentified slime, etc.) with your bare hand.
You know you’re a mom if your boobs oscillate between two states; oh-my-gosh-where-did-they-go-I-used-to-be-able-to-fill-out-this-bra, and holy-crap-these-jugs-are-massive.
You know you’re a mom if you can whip up five different lunch options in under five minutes flat.
You know you’re mom if you shop the organic aisle, buy everything gluten, soy, sugar, and dairy free and yet drive through McDonald’s on the way home.
You know you’re a mom if every adult conversation you have somehow ends up revolving around poop, nap schedules, or picky eaters.
You know you’re a mom if sitting on the couch with your feet up for five minutes is your guilty pleasure.
You know you’re mom if more coffee is consumed in your household than a 21-year-old on a drinking binge.
You know you’re mom if your idea of a good party is a nap.
You know you’re a mom if yoga pants and leggings are the main staples of your wardrobe.
You know you’re a mom if you can sing along to every PBS, Nickelodeon, and Disney theme song.
You know you’re a mom if you recycle the same wardrobe day after day because 1) it’s cute, 2) it doesn’t smell (yet), 3) who really give a crap anyways I’m dressed okay?
You know you’re a mom if half eaten, soggy crackers are still an acceptable snack.
You know you’re a mom if octopus arms are an everyday reality.
You know you’re a mom if when it comes to makeup, your theory is “good enough”.
You know you’re a mom if family photos are a nightmare namely because you end up looking like a troll in all of them because you’re constantly yelling “SMILE!”
Instagram Mom Humor
Of course no compilation is complete without some help from your friends, so I posed a little competition on my Instagram page to see who could come up with the best one liner. Here are a few of my favorites, if you’d like to read even more Instagram mom humor, head on over to my original post.
You know you’re a mom if going to Target is like a mini vacation. –Sparrow_Grove
You know you’re a mom if you’ve worn your underwear inside out. –Lovelyyoubymolly
You know you’re a mom if you willing get up at 4am just to have some quiet time and coffee before the kids get up. –Elleandellieco
You know you’re a mom if you’d rather wear the spitup because changing means more laundry. –Lauracook412
You know you’re a mom if you look forward to going to work on Monday just so you can have a full cup of hot coffee. –Buzy_Davvy
You know you’re a mom if your immediate reaction to the sound of a small child gagging/puking is to put your hands out and catch it. –Lysswil
You know you’re a mom if you’re wondering is that stain on your shirt is chocolate…or poop. –Newtotheoldthings
You know you’re a mom if you’re trying to be flirty and start humming and your husband asks ‘is that a nursery rhyme you’re humming?’ –Purplesunshinebows
You know you’re a mom if you’ve been washing the same load of laundry for three days because you forgot to dry it. –Sparrow_Grove
You know you’re a mom when you’re nursing your little one while looking for him. –Whitneymcclellan
You know you’re a mom if you find a dirty diaper in your purse and you can’t remember how long it’s been there. –Belliesandbabies
You know you’re a mom if you hide the good snacks because you don’t want to share. –Aharmonmoore
You know you’re a mom when hair pulling isn’t sexual anymore. –Momlifewithkelly
You know you’re a mom if you giggled even just a little bit at anyone of these, or I guess maybe should say you know a mom or are a human being if this made sense to you…even a little bit, because come on. #momlife, ‘nough said.
I hope you enjoyed this little dose of mom humor, if you did, make sure to spread the laughter by sharing to Facebook!
With love and laughter,
PS) I hope you found humor in these quotes and felt the camaraderie and kinship that only motherhood can bring, if you found a quote especially hilarious, be sure to check out the lady that inspired it! You can find most us Social Media Mommies on Instagram on the daily!